Sunday, February 26, 2006

Fish bites Penis--a gorilla testicle?

I need you to be honest, Bloggers.
Is this episode best kept as an out-take to showcase my sense of humor etc?
Or should it be retained in INSUFFICIENT MATING MATERIAL at all costs?

This scene takes place on a deserted alien island, where the Earth-educated hero, Djetth, was marooned with Martia-Djulia, so they could mate. Martia-Djulia did not want to mate. Feya is there by accident. She used to be his favorite hooker. Then he had plastic surgery and a change of face and identity. The one giveaway is his unique penis tattoo.

Now, he has to find a tactful way to explain to everyone that all human males have designs on their penises.....

(Djinni is the girl he knew all his life, to whom he was once betrothed before Martia-Djulia's brother appropriated Djinni.)

If he happened to be exclusively sexually active with either Feya or Martia-Djulia, it wouldn’t be the thorny issue that it was.

An injury! That would be the way to go. For some mysterious reason, females seemed to find male injuries funny.

Djinni, at three, had rejoiced in calling his positor a ‘flopping bottom’ not that his Imperial Positor had ever flopped in her presence or in anyone else’s. She’d seen an actor’s penis on TV when she should have been fast asleep.

Was it absolutely necessary that Martia-Djulia see his ‘injury’ take place? What were the logistics of staging a penis accident?

Djetth cast his mind back thirty or so Earth years. Canderu! That was the way to go. Djinni had been fascinated and horrified by the phenomenon of a little Amazon river fish that was attracted by moving urine in the river water.

Apparently, this fish was prone to mistake a urinating penis for the gills of the much larger fish upon which it usually preyed. How could it make such a terrible error? Presumably it was a very short sighted fish.

Way to go!

If a male came splashing out of the water, clutching himself, alleging that a fish had bitten him there, Martia-Djulia and Feya might be maliciously amused. Surely, though, they would think it the most natural thing in the world for Djetth to examine himself.

“Something bit me! Slack damn.” Djetth swore volubly. Screaming was more than his Imperial Machismo permitted.

Feya, who was obviously feeling better, giggled.

“Shit, it hurts like the very blazes. I hope it wasn’t the sort of fish that goes up inside. I am sorry, Ladies. I'm going to have to inspect myself for damage.”

Djetth threw himself on to his back on the sand, tempingly close to where the girls sat, thrust down his trunk briefs, hooking them just below his bent and spread knees. Nothing was worth the actual loss of his trunk briefs and the lethal contents in the secret pocket.

“Whoa...that's horrible,” he groaned, knowing that females like to see anything horrible.

Moaning, he clutched himself with both hands, one behind the other, in a golf club grip, the little finger of his left hand hooked into the forefinger of his right. Peripherally, Djetth saw the girls exchange glances. They were interested.

“Fewmetty thing. Why the blue blazes would a bloody fish want to bite my positor?” he muttered eloquently.

The trouble with a bioluminescent tattoo is that the little organisms have a mind of their own. They only flash when life is gooooood.

Problem. How to wank without looking as if One is having a good time?


Brenda said...

hah! Funny funny! But, I have a question, why does he need to wank? if he really needs to wank in order to forward a plotline, then you must keep the scene. If it's just internal humor, a way to torture JJ then it's an outtake.


Rowena Cherry said...

Why does he need to wank?

His tattoo is bioluminescent. It only shows up when the chromatophores are excited.... as in when he wanks or has proper sex of one sort or another.

It's like the lights in squid and jellyfish that only show up when busy.

That's how he got it through a complete, identity changing physical in an OR without anyone guessing he had this tattoo... it was invisible when guys with scalpels were looking at his naked bod.

Does that make sense?

:-) Gosh I hope so. If it doesn't, I'm in deeeeep do-do.

Thank you for taking the time, Brenda!

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